Camping with Dad

Kate’s P.O.V.

A wise poet once asked: “What happens to a dream deferred?” It was a question that lived within the world around me, lurked within the lives of my fellow packmates, but it was one that thankfully never followed me home. However, as I locked eyes with my husband that evening and our forlorn gazes bled conflict and understanding in the stead of words, I felt that existential ponderance creep into my home, and I knew.

A dream deferred will behave in a manner relative to what haunts you. Like raisins in the sun, childhood dreams shrivel up as the cruel realities of the world steal our innocence, dreams of love explode when hearts depart, but dreams of healing… sweet dreams that falter as the rest of the world passes you by… They fester…

You try to navigate your trauma. You try to trust the man who let you down, you try to keep the family together, but the sight of him churns your stomach, and the thought of his touch makes your skin crawl. And then you realize: This is your life. Due to circumstances beyond your control, your relationship with your husband is not normal and it’ll never be normal. But he’s still the father of your pups. Sure, he screwed up, but the pups had nothing to do with it. Trapping them in the middle of your conflict, using their love as a form of leverage or emotional torture wouldn’t be fair to them, or even to him.

Your husband is a selfish, clingy, idiot, but he’s not malicious. He didn’t mean to hurt you, but he did and now you have to encourage your pups to trust him, play with him and be a family even though you can’t. You want to. Every part of you wants to have a normal family dynamic, but your body just won’t let you have it. So now you sit alone in your den and watch from afar as your pups snuggle up with their father. You long to lie down with him, but you know you won’t. He violated your trust, and that’s not something you give lightly. The conflict builds to a head and you look away so he can’t see the tears in your eyes.

“Goodnight,” you say with your back to him and then you walk inside.

I miss the way it used to be, before I became imprisoned by my dreams…