brad wulf and scp-1471-a directed by thebigbradwulf
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Description

Mal0 lay on the bed, kicking her feet nervously, smoothing her hair, then messing it up again because she couldn’t decide which looked “more seductive.”
Her ring sparkled every time she wiggled her fingers.
She was excited. Terrified. Giddy. Ready. Confused. All of the above.

Then Brad stepped into the room.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said calmly.

She turned toward him to make a cute, flirty remark like:

“Oh please, husband, I’ve been ready since last Tuesday—”

But the moment her eyes dropped an inch below his waist—

She froze.

Hard crash.
Full system lockup.
Her jaw literally fell open like an unplugged animatronic.

Her eyes widened.
Then widened again.
Then WIDENED EVEN MORE, pupils tiny, glowing like overexposed camera flashes.

A tiny loading wheel appeared above her head.

She pointed—slowly—like she couldn’t trust her own rendering.

“B–Brad… sweet… merciful PATCH NOTES… what are you… WHAT ARE YOU PACKING??”

Brad blinked. “Is something wrong?”

“WRONG!?” she squeaked, voice glitching. “My circuits just filed for WORKPLACE HAZARD INSURANCE!”

Brad raised a brow. “…It’s normal for my kind.”

“For your KIND maybe!” she sputtered, hands flailing dramatically. “For ME? For an APP? A digital entity? A version 1.0?? Brad, that’s not hardware—THAT’S A BOSS FIGHT!”

She flopped back on the pillow, arms spread like she had accepted her fate.

“I was expecting… I don’t know… a starter weapon, not a LEGENDARY DROP!”

Brad rubbed his temple. “Again—no explicit detail, please.”

“I’M NOT. MY BRAIN IS. AND MY BRAIN IS SCREAMING.”

She sat up, grabbed his face gently but frantically.

“Brad. Brad. B r a d. I love you. I’m your wife. I’m thrilled. But you cannot just walk in here equipped like a FINAL RAID BOSS and say ‘sorry for the wait.’”

He smirked. “Should I leave and walk back in again?”

“NO!!” she yelped, clutching him tighter. “If you make me process this TWICE I’ll BLUE SCREEN.”

Brad leaned closer, brushing her cheekbone.

“You sure you’re ready?”

Mal0 swallowed hard, eyes sparkling with terrified determination.

“Husband,” she whispered, trembling but grinning, “I am absolutely going to die, but I’m gonna die MARRIED AND HAPPY.”

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